Maybe this is a bit strange, but I have been having dreams with my Mom and Dad in them lately. No it’s not a Freudian thing, it’s probably related to the fact that coming up on two months ago, my parents died in a car accident. Yeah, bummer. Major freaking bummer.

I am dealing with it, and trying to figure out how to feel about it. I am miserable in some ways, but I have yet to shed any tears. Some people might think this is weird. I kind of do myself. My sixteen year old daughter tells me I shouldn’t hold it in. I don’t really think I am.

It’s not a stupid macho thing either, it’s just that I guess I don’t really know how to let it go. You would think that after two months, I would be able to cry. 

So maybe that’s why I am seeing them in my dreams. The way I am seeing them is the way I remember them that last time I actually saw them face to face, which was quite a few years ago. I saw pictures of them, and I saw them on a Web-cam, I spoke to them on the phone frequently, things like that, but it had been a good number of years since I had been back to Ohio, to actually see them in person. So maybe it’s natural that I would see them that way in the dreams.

Another thing is that over the last couple of years, my Dad had gotten rather frail, and lost a lot of weight. According to my older sister, he was practically skeletal. I just can’t see my Dad that way, even though I did occasionally see some pictures, I had not seen any where he looked like that. I guess my subconscious wants me to keep me from seeing that image in my head.

Dreams are a  funny thing. In some ways these dreams comfort me, in other ways, they disturb me… Strange, isn’t it.